Krampus

Krampus is a movie that I have been meaning to watch for years. It's been patiently waiting in the My List section on Netflix for the coinciding of December where it is acceptable to watch Christmas movies, and me actually being able to find the My List section because it's never in the same place.

All I knew was that it was a Christmas movie that featured a monster called Krampus. My favourite Christmas movie features lots of tiny monsters, but unlike Gremlins, I'm not going to be rewatching Krampus every year.

It features comedy actors like the guy from Parks & Rec who was in the seasons that I never finished because they were sometimes on Netflix and then sometimes not, and the guy who was Lainey's dad in The Goldbergs. But there is no comedy for them to act out so I'm not really sure why they were here.

A brief run-down of what happens: mum's sister brings her husband, 4 kids and who I think is their aunt, over to stay for Christmas. A fight between the son and one of his cousins breaks out which leads to the son wishing Christmas could be like it used to. There is a blizzard outside, the daughter decides to go and check on her boyfriend and does not return home. Dad and uncle go out to find her, uncle is attacked, they return to the house and then monsters come to pick everyone off. Grandmother reveals she has seen this before and it is the work of Krampus, and he is going to take them all to hell. Son is the last one standing and pleas to take his wish back. Krampus and his monsters laugh. Son wakes up and his family are opening presents, but it is revealed they are now living inside a snowglobe.

There is a moment where the mum and dad have devised an escape plan and are leaving the house with the remaining survivors, when the grandmother shuts the door and starts to barricade herself back in. The dad bangs on the door, confused by his mother's actions, then the son tells him that she wants to face Krampus to try and buy them some time. The dad then just accepts his mother is probably about to die with no emotion whatsoever and walks away from the house without even attempting to plea with her again, or even do a cheesy "I love you" line. As they are all running away from the house, it's only the mum who seems genuienly terrified.

The characters in general are just very one dimensional. The only one that is remotely interesting is the grandma who hardly ever speaks, and when she does it's a bunch of exposition to explain what is happening, which is sort of necessary given that Krampus never speaks so can't explain his actions himself. Every other character, besides the son, has no time to develop and most of the kids don't even have enough screentime to reveal any of their personalities.

Of the four cousins, one is a baby who is just kind of there because babies don't do anything. There's a boy who seems very dim. Then there are two girls. I don't remember any of their names, and it could have just as easily worked with half as many cousins instead.

The woman who I think was the aunt had a very older woman who doesn't give a shit vibe, but in the moment where she was at her most useful and could have dealt some damage with the shotgun she was holding, instead of going out with a bang, she went out with a whimper.

The son's development is going from wanting Christmas to be like it used to, without his crazy family, to wanting his family back. But it doesn't feel earned. It feels like he's just saying that because they've all been dragged to hell, and he knows that either he is next, or he is going to follow in his grandmother's footsteps from all those years ago and be the only survivor.

Once he does have his family back, he opens a present which is revealed to be a bauble with Krampus' name etched into it. He is shocked by this, as are his parents since they saw this before they were taken. But his sister also appears shocked which makes no sense because she was taken before the grandmother revealed anything. I feel like if this happened in a better movie, I might be more forgiving for an oversight like that. But here it just reinforces that the script is pretty lazy.

I think I was expecting an underrated gem and this is not that.

The monster designs were pretty good, and the one with the disjointed mouth was particularly disgusting. Them actually being there somewhat helped sell the sense of terror that the characters were supposed to be feeling. But the cutesy CG gingerbread men felt at odds with the practicality of the bigger creatures.

I've seen people compare this to Gremlins. I don't know what universe those people are living in, but they should probably be put in their own snowglobes to stop them from letting their comparison be heard ever again.